This blog is sort of a log of my life I guess? I like to keep a track of these things. I mean- I completely praise myself on my mental stability so this blog is nothing to do with the fact that I feel like a piece of shit- nope. No way, hose.
Despite the fact that I know marinating in problems that exist only in my head and that are completely irrelevant to real life is bad for my health I am going to do it anyway. Because I feel like it. Because I just don't care.
I guess I have this weird sort of complex in my mind where I'm terrified of being narcissistic. Doing an amateur psycho-analysis of myself I would assume it was because of my dearest darling 'friend', Amy's, influence on me when I was in primary school. I don't exactly remember any instances but I'm pretty sure she told me I was greedy and full of myself a lot of the time due to her family-related issues which made her feel resentment towards me and the things I had which she didn't.
I probably have been fed propaganda for years that I haven't even thought about that has lead me to where I am now. Which is on the border of a mental breakdown.
The thing is, all of the different problems and things I worry about within my mind are all linked. They're like a puzzle specifically catered to exploit my weaknesses and use my strengths against me. Problems made in such a way that I can not possibly get any help from anyone.
The more I mull over intense issues and morals the more intelligent I feel I become. Yet, I feel my quest for intelligence has somehow backfired. Like, I'm just withdrawing more and more from people trying to achieve this unattainable perfection.
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